Why the Government Won't Kill Processed Food, No Matter How Sick It Makes Us

The truth is ugly: the government will never ban the neon-orange, fake-cheese bullshit that we shovel into our faces every day because doing so would decimate the economy faster than a junkie in withdrawal. You think politicians give a shit about your health? Fuck no. If they did, they’d have put an end to Big Food’s reign of terror decades ago. Instead, they’ve let corporate behemoths like Nestlé, PepsiCo, and Kraft churn out boxes of diabetes and heart disease disguised as food, all because it props up the economy. The health of the American people has been sacrificed to protect this multi-trillion-dollar monster.

Here’s the raw deal: if we pulled the plug on processed foods—the chips, the sodas, the chemically-engineered shit that’s more plastic than food—you’d be yanking away the foundation of a trillion-dollar empire. That’s right. The global processed food industry is worth over $2 trillion, and taking it down doesn’t just fuck with Big Food, it fucks with the whole goddamn system. We’re talking millions of jobs. Factories would close, farms would fail, and entire industries—trucking, shipping, retail—would implode. Ban processed food, and you’re not just burying Coca-Cola, you’re putting half the damn workforce in the ground with them.

And trust me, the government knows this. They’ve been in bed with Big Food for decades, getting their pockets lined by lobbyists who make sure the status quo stays intact. In 2022 alone, food and beverage corporations spent over $42 million lobbying to keep their interests safe. They don’t give a flying fuck if you live or die. Politicians need that cash to keep their re-election campaigns afloat, and Big Food is more than happy to keep those dollars rolling in as long as we keep stuffing our faces with their garbage.

Processed foods are engineered to keep you hooked. We’re not talking about accidental overindulgence—we’re talking about products designed in labs to hijack your brain, using just the right mix of sugar, fat, and salt to keep you coming back for more. It’s like legal crack, and they know it. According to the CDC, 42% of American adults are obese, and 93% of us aren’t getting enough vegetables. Why? Because the processed shit is everywhere, and it’s cheap as fuck.

Then there’s the goddamn marketing. Big Food spends billions targeting kids, training them to be addicts before they even know how to read. A 2019 study showed kids see about 4,000 ads a year for junk food, with cartoon characters and bright colors practically screaming, "Hey, eat this shit, it’s fun!" Childhood obesity has more than tripled in the U.S. since the 1970s, and by the time these kids hit adulthood, they’re so hooked on processed food that they can’t break free even if they wanted to.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m guilty as hell, too. I’m not some puritan preaching from a mountaintop about how I eat nothing but kale salads and grass-fed beef. I fucking love a Taco Bell run after I’ve hit my weed pen one too many times. I mean, who doesn’t? That craving for a cheesy, greasy taco at 2 a.m. is hard to ignore. But even I know that shit is rotting me from the inside. The trick is balance. I’m not saying we’ve got to be perfect, but if we all made even a small change—buying real food when we can, supporting local farmers instead of pumping money into the industrial food complex—it’d make a difference.

So what’s the solution? It sure as hell isn’t waiting for the government to grow a fucking spine. That’s never going to happen. They’re too deep in Big Food’s pockets to ever act in our best interest. The solution? It’s in our hands. We need to take control and fight back.

First off, stop buying their poison. Go local. Support your neighborhood farmers, ranchers, and butchers—the people actually putting real food on your plate. Big Food might be pumping out chemically-engineered garbage, but local producers are growing the good stuff, the stuff your body actually needs. According to a study, if we shifted just 10% of our food spending to local farmers and food producers, we could generate billions in local economic activity. You get better food, your community thrives, and you aren’t handing your money to the assholes responsible for this mess.

Buying local doesn’t just help you eat better—it helps save the fucking planet. Most of that processed crap you’re eating is shipped thousands of miles, racking up an obscene carbon footprint. Supporting local farms cuts down on food miles and keeps emissions low. Plus, small farmers tend to use fewer pesticides and less industrial farming tech, meaning their food is fresher, cleaner, and not soaked in chemicals.

Want to stick it to the system? Demand transparency. Push for real labeling, not the bullshit "low-fat" or "sugar-free" lies that trick people into thinking this stuff is healthy. How about we put pictures of clogged arteries and swollen livers on packaging the same way we do with cigarette cartons? Stop pretending something with 30 unpronounceable ingredients belongs anywhere near your mouth. If you can’t say it, don’t fucking eat it.

And we need to change the way we subsidize farming. Right now, the U.S. government hands out $20 billion a year in agricultural subsidies, and most of it goes to corn and soy—the shit that ends up in junk food. We should be diverting those billions to small farms that grow real, nutritious food, like fruits, vegetables, and pasture-raised meat, instead of filling the pockets of Big Ag.

Bottom line: the government’s not going to save us. Big Food has them by the balls, and they’re not about to let go. If we want to stop killing ourselves, we’ve got to take matters into our own hands. That means putting down the processed shit and picking up real food from local producers who actually give a damn. The system is rigged, but we don’t have to keep playing by their rules. If we want to save our health—and our communities—we’ve got to burn the whole fucking thing down and rebuild it, starting with our local farmers, one bite at a time. And hey, if you need to grab a cheesy gordita on a Saturday night after a couple of blunts, no one’s judging. Just make sure that’s not all you’re eating.